Not Today

      
                                                

                                                                             Today was a good day, but all I could think was not today; maybe he had a good day, maybe someone told him that he looks nice today, or that someone hoped that he had great day. Please not today, thinking about it made the pain in my side intensify; glimmers of last Monday's fight came across the mirror. "Do you expect me to eat this?", " it is cold, you know what." I'm shaken by the girl who walked in to the bathroom; I touch my face to see if I can leave without questions. I felt her wanting to ask me what is wrong but she never does, so I leave. On the way home, I get an overwhelming feeling of peace and it makes me lighter; I know that today is going to be okay. I go into the kitchen and make myself some eggs and head up to my room. Minutes later he walks through the door, maybe if he's in a really good mood we can go out like we use to. I hear him walking to my room, I open the door to meet him, he throws the eggs I made earlier in my face. I know you heard me calling you!, I look into his eyes, there dark and empty,I didn't hear you I promise, he slaps me across the face. I start to stiffen, What is it that you wanted? What did I tell you about the food? I search my mind for the right answer, thinking carefully to make sure I don't have the wrong answer. I thought you would like some so I left them on the stove, I didn't think that you would get mad, That's right you didn't think you stupid bitch, you never learn and that's why no one wants you because you're nothing I look at him with all the courage I can, Please don't call me a bitch,Excuse me. Without warning he knocks me to the ground Sorry I didn't mean to disrespect you he looks at me with a piercing glare that made my spine tingle. Clean this mess up. 
                     He walks out the room, I try to catch my breath, and a stone in my throat breaks my tears. I clean the eggs off the floor and change my shirt. I lie on my bed and the glimmers from last Mondays fight flicker across the ceiling Get on the floor, now eat! I'm not eating off the floor. He kicks me in the side and for a moment I lose the ability to breathe. I began to eat the food losing more of myself with every bite. When I was done I got up, he pushed me into the wall for talking back, Don't you ever do that again! When I realized that I was crying I went to the bathroom to wash my face, then I heard the sound of angry footsteps approaching. He's coming back, he never comes back unless he's going to say sorry. I start growing confused because I'm happy that he's coming back. People always say that you need to love and forgive. He's just got a lot to deal with so I just have to be patient. I will accept his apology because I know it will be better soon. He opens the door and grabs me off the bed by hair, dragging me out the room. I try to hold anything I can; when I reach the threshold I hold on to the molding with all my strength. Kicking him to let go but his grip got tighter and I couldn't hold on any longer. I brace myself for the steps one by one hurting more and more each time, by the third step I start to pass out ,when he realizes that I passed out he slaps me until I come back he spits in my face and yells.
                             I want you to feel this you dirty bitch, you want to go out there and have sex with guys, so I'm going to hurt you just like you hurt me.I couldn't say anything, my mind went blank, I start to cry, and go numb. He drops me into the bathtub and turns on the freezing cold water. I just lay there ,I couldn't move I felt so numb. He comes back in with a steak knife I start to squirm, I pleaded with him not to kill me. He told me to shut up. He comes down to where I am, gives me a kiss on the cheek, and whispers, "I'm going to make sure you don't have any kids.I begin to cry, before I had a chance to get up he stabs me. I don't know what to do, I try to move but it hurts, I start feeling my life slip away. A warm peaceful sensation comes over me. I smiled looked over to him and said I love you daddy.